I’m trying to wake up. After I wrote yesterday’s post, a brother of mine told to basically wake up and smell the coffee. I’ve been fighting such a losing battle, and I don’t know how to get out.
When I got home from work I was sitting down with a drink in hand and realized I am sick of this pattern that keeps surfacing over and over again. The unhappiness that haunts me daily, the lack of joy in my life, both terrify me.
I googled local CR programs, and low and behold there is one right down the street that started in 45 minutes. I swallowed the rest of my drink, invited a buddy to go with me, and got ready.
It was awkward, but good. Topic was on releasing control basically and embracing the changes God wants no matter how hard. We left. I went home, tried my hardest to pray, and read my dated reading that interestingly enough coincided with the group topic.
I don’t know. I fell asleep trying to pray. Does God really listen to me anymore? I woke up and tried praying again. Feel a little bit of peace, but so overwhelmed.