Wow. Time has flown. So much has happened. So much change.
It was a year ago today I drove away from Indianapolis to pursue the adventure God was calling me to in Colorado. I drove almost straight there, stopping for a short while at IHOP-KC, and for about 2 hours to sleep in Kansas somewhere. As I look back at that, it amazes me to see the timeline of the last year and observe the challenges, failures, victories, and changes that all took place. I almost feel old with all that I have learned about myself and life in general. I expanded my boarders, learned some very difficult lessons, and made many changes.
Yesterday I flew from Indianapolis to Phoenix, and got home in Arizona at about 3am. Again I left Indy, but to go back TO my life, family, and future.
What I find wild, is exactly a year later, I find myself at a great crossroads. The weird part is, I do not know what the options for this crossroad is. I am in an interesting situation of being able to pursue whatever I want, lead my family wherever I want, move wherever I want, yet, I am not.
I read something very interesting yesterday by Oswald Chambers:
What is the sign of a friend? Is it that he tells you his secret sorrows? No, it is that he tells you his secret joys. Many people will confide their secret sorrows to you, but the final mark of intimacy is when they share their secret joys with you. Have we ever let God tell us any of His joys? Or are we continually telling God our secrets, leaving Him no time to talk to us? At the beginning of our Christian life we are full of requests to God. But then we find that God wants to get us into an intimate relationship with Himself— to get us in touch with His purposes. Are we so intimately united to Jesus Christ’s idea of prayer— “Your will be done” (Matthew 6:10)— that we catch the secrets of God? What makes God so dear to us is not so much His big blessings to us, but the tiny things, because they show His amazing intimacy with us— He knows every detail of each of our individual lives.
“Him shall He teach in the way He chooses” (Psalm 25:12). At first, we want the awareness of being guided by God. But then as we grow spiritually, we live so fully aware of God that we do not even need to ask what His will is, because the thought of choosing another way will never occur to us. If we are saved and sanctified, God guides us by our everyday choices. And if we are about to choose what He does not want, He will give us a sense of doubt or restraint, which we must heed. Whenever there is doubt, stop at once. Never try to reason it out, saying, “I wonder why I shouldn’t do this?” God instructs us in what we choose; that is, He actually guides our common sense. And when we yield to His teachings and guidance, we no longer hinder His Spirit by continually asking, “Now, Lord, what is Your will?”
As I look back, it would be immature of me to say that all the ambitions I had as I went to Denver where all from God. Yes, it was inspired and led by him, but as my excitement grew, I started pursuing my own ambitions. It has already been stated that I am in a unique position yet again, and I am taking a slightly different approach. God has blessed my family greatly, and has given us the means to be able to sit back, and simply listen. What are we listening for? I am not 100% sure, but it is either for a go ahead in a particular directions, or a vision of the ministry he has in store for us. Am I worried? Not at all. I am relieved to be free of a few situations and be able to rely on God for some leading. Personally, I do not think I have done a very good job of leading, but that is my opinion.
Waiting and being patient is a difficult task for me, yet I am looking forward to it. I have several books I want to read, some courses I want to take, planning for next semester’s school strategy, and praying I need to do. My cell phone will be away from me most of the day for a while, and the computer will be seldom touched. I have a lot to do, and want to soak it in as I do it. I am eager to see the direction God is going to take us.
My greatest goal is one thing: to learn contentment in any situation. That has been a real issue for me. I am a “go-getter” and get antsy when I am not on the go, making it hard to be content.
So here I go! Off for another year, from a new crossroad, to explore a new trail.