I have had a very frustrating night, quite contrary to the rest of my week. This whole week has been amazing, and God has really shown me that He is very alive in well. However not only did I find out someone has openly slandered me, but also done their best to screw me over in a particular area. It is so frustrating. My intent is not to dwell on that though. It has made me angry, but I am doing my best to overcome it. Life goes on and since this person is out of my life, thankfully, I will move on and put it in the past.
Since I have not reviewed my posts in a little while, I am not sure if I mentioned this or not, but I met an awesome group of guys here that have been a huge blessing to me. It is a small group of guys that meet once a week. We simply hang out, share what is going on in our lives, and have a good time of fellowship and prayer. These guys are real. Real lives. Real struggles. Real passions and desires. Just spending time with them lifts me up and helps me grasp the reality that I am not alone. This has been a major blessing to me and refreshing to my spiritual health.
Last night I was on my way to Littleton to meet up with them and listening to K-Love. There was a lady that called in, crying. She was on her way to meet up with a 19 year old girl who a week ago gave birth to a baby and gave it up for adoption. This girl was having second thoughts and attempted suicide. I cannot explain exactly what, but something about that story grabbed me. Last night also reminded me, based on a conversation that took place, that doubts of God and the lack of ability to surrender to Him are alive and well. Between these two situations, God really started speaking to me. I was reminded of the long journey it took me to realize the love and reality of God. After I heard the story of that girl I felt compelled to pray for her and lift her before God. It too reminded me about the path I believe I have been called to.
One more thing about my drive last night, since it was a long one. A song by Matt Hammitt came on. There have been some life changing circumstances that have taken place in my life that are scary and awesome all at the same time. I am not at liberty at the moment to share, but hearing this song made me want to hear the rest of his album. It is absolutely incredible! This guy sings from his heart and uplift and glorify God. It is easy for me to identify with quite a few of his songs.
God has me in a great place of testing right now. Where life in general may be going great, there are very specific challenges and tests I am undergoing. I am both excited and anxious to see what all is in store. My awareness has been raised that my prayer life has really been lacking. I have been reading a book on it as well as making a conscious effort to indulge in it. Even making myself take several periods of time out of my day to talk to Him has been refreshing. I really believe that when we do not pray we deprive our spirit of the nourishment it needs.
As I said, there are exciting things going on, but they will only come about in God’s timing. It is imperative right now that I trust Him to know what he is doing and allow him to have full control. I feel so blessed and renewed. Purpose, meaning, reality, and a future are all surfacing! Please pray that I will stay in the palm of his hand.