The dirt inside

I sit and take a long drag off my cigarette. The thought enters my mind asking how I can enjoy such a destructive habit when I know full and well how bad it is for me. Before I draw another hit of poison I ash, watching it fall to the ashtray. For some reason I spit into the ashtray, and right before my eyes the white harmless looking ash turns dark black. How ironic. 

Believe it or not this insignificant little scenario started a flood of thoughts in my head. How easily do I go about life with seemingly harmless “things” I hold onto. Do I realize how much they poison my soul? 
I know this is a short post, but the idea behind it is profound, and I am working through it. God has opened some amazing doors, huge doors, this last week that will effect the rest of my life. There are definitely white ashes I need to shake off and drown before I fully step through these several doors. 
As excited as I am about all these new adventures that are about to start, I fear the unknown and that I will not have full sensitivity to the Spirit. Merely a fear, that I am battling with prayer. Sometimes I get so overwhelmed with the messes that I still need to clean up in my life that I have a hard time looking at the master cleaner and trusting his abilities. 

3 thoughts on “The dirt inside

  1. I hope my comment didn't come off in a negative way. Hard to convey yourself on the internet :P.

    I will admit I was kind of surprised you had picked up the habit again. However, we all have our vices. There's a reason we do the things we do. And I don't know what all you've been through so I don't pass judgement.

    God has a plan for your life. Even in moments of brokenness and doubt, He is your comforter, your protector and He always steers you in the right direction. You just have to let him take the wheel. Don't fight against His will for your life and try and take control.

    Our life was never meant to be in our control. He gave us free will but we abuse it. Stop. Listen. Be Still. Wait. Those are words that I tell myself often.

    God will bring you peace. Stay strong. Remain steadfast.

    My prayers are with you. They never left.

    God bless you in all you do. 🙂


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