This post is coming much sooner than I thought it would. All I can say is that sometimes it takes the simplest of events for God to reveal who and what he is in our lives. In moving to Denver, I never dreamed it would be possible to take for granted the beauty that God has surrounded my every day life with.
I spent the weekend in Glennwood Springs, way up in the mountains of Colorado, roughly three hours west of Denver. As I drove deep into the mountains I was overcome with shame as I realized just how careless I have been with my appreciation of the beautiful area of the world I am blessed to live in. This was the start of some deep and serious thoughts over the course of my weekend.
In my last post I briefly touched on the darkness I have been wrestling with. Satan has attacked me at my very core since arriving in CO. He has dumped Miracle Grow on every significant struggle I have ever had in attempts to make it flourish and over take me. Fighting it has made me weary. The pressure has overwhelmed me to a level I could not even begin to put into words.
As I hiked up to Hanging Lake I thought about how much my life felt like that climb. It was hard, rocky, the weather was hot, and I was overtaken with thirst. When I reached the top, I saw some of the most beautiful, crystal clear water I have ever seen, and it was a breathtaking view. (As a side note: I will post pictures here some time in the next week) The climb since I moved to Denver has been all uphill. God has both blessed, and taken away. This trip though reminded me that where God dwells, there is freedom and peace, even in the heart of the storm. The dread I have been waking up with every day for the past few weeks is not freedom, but bondage. The situations I have been dealing with have not been peaceful, but stressful.
These thoughts began to eat away at me, then I heard these lyrics:
When shadows fall on us
We will not fear
We will remember
When darkness falls on us
We will not fear
We will remember
When all seems lost
When we’re thrown and we’re tossed
We’ll remember the cost
We’re resting in the
Shadow of the cross
Those are lyrics from Shadows by the David Crowder Band. Am I resting in the shadow of the cross? In other words, am I waking up every day and surrendering to Christ every aspect of my life? The honest answer would have to be no. When did I stop doing that? The answer is simple: when things started going good. He blessed me with a job making stupid money, yet that very blessing has turned into a nightmare because I stopped focusing on him.
As much as it pains me to say it, I will anyway. My selfishness has surfaced and gotten in the way. What I want has replaced my desire to seek out what God wants in my life. I have only blinded myself. God does not give us more in this life than we can handle. He has kept me alive, though I should have died so many times from so many circumstances. He has a plan, a purpose for my life.
Something inside me is screaming at me. It is telling me that God has something very special he wants to reveal to me, but I have to let go and free fall again allowing him to steer the way. I moved to Colorado for a fresh start. Some of my goals were to love everyone I come into contact with and find a way to serve God on a daily basis. It is high time I got back to the path of those goals. Enough focusing on me. It is time to surrender and follow.
God has blessed me. He has also stretched me, hard. I need to exercise to stay strong and keep the faith, but I know I cannot do that alone. God has given me some amazing resources I have neglected to use. It is time to use them. Prayers are appreciated.