God showed up. Big time. This past weekend I was able to find a Honda Civic LX with very low miliage on it, and for a price that is literally almost unbelievable. I laughed when I heard the price actually. Not only was it realistically my max spending limit, it is exactly what I need. It gets almost 40 MPG highway, meaning my gas bill will go from $110 a week (just for work) to around $60. Huge blessing!
The job interview I had last weekend went great as well! He is definitely interested in bringing me in to get this online program off the ground, but not until at least September. That is longer than I wanted to wait, but manageable. Unfortunately the job disappointment does not stop there. I was informed yesterday at work we are now required to work at least one hour of overtime every day. Some may look at that and think about the absolutely retarded money I would make doing that, but I see it and cringe. It means one of two things: 1) Instead of getting up at 4:45am for work, I now have to get up at 3:45am to make it to work by 6am; or 2) I go in at 7am, work until 4:30pm, then suffer not only my two hour drive home, but an extra hour because I will be in the thick of rush hour. Last week I worked until 4:30 one evening and it took me three hours and fifteen minutes to get home. I was very upset when I got this news. I am already so tired during the week. I want to have energy to get involved and be active. This has even effected my strength to work on school!
My patients have been tried so much in the last week. As I mentioned, my stress level has been high. A lot of you may know this, others may not, but I quit smoking four months ago. I have smoked since the age of twelve, so about twelve years total. In the last week, I have been very tempted to bum a cigarette or buy a pack. I have literally been standing at the checkout, buying my water or whatever on lunch break, and almost asked for that box of Camel Lights. The temptation is almost audible in my head. I refuse. My grandpa has been on my mind a lot, and he died from severe smoking complications. I have people in my life now who depend on my health and well being. I have a testimony to uphold. Above all that, is that cigarette really going to relieve my stress, or am I hitting my knees, taking my anxieties to my Healer? This is real life, reality, an honest daily struggle. This is no mamby-pamby, beating around the bush, feeling good about myself idea. This is real. It hurts, its hard, and it is worth it.
I have felt like a very negative person lately. That is something that I am trying very hard to surrender. It is truly a mix of things or many situations, but intimately God has control and to give in to my negativity only minimizes God’s dominance in my life. I am human, and I cannot be perfect, but to not make an effort is blatant sin.
In all this frustration, I firmly believe God has a sovereign plan. Sometimes I grow weary, but I am so thankful for the people in my life who are lifting me up in prayer and with words of encouragement.