Blessings and frustrations

God showed up. Big time. This past weekend I was able to find a Honda Civic LX with very low miliage on it, and for a price that is literally almost unbelievable. I laughed when I heard the price actually. Not only was it realistically my max spending limit, it is exactly what I need. It gets almost 40 MPG highway, meaning my gas bill will go from $110 a week (just for work) to around $60. Huge blessing!

The job interview I had last weekend went great as well! He is definitely interested in bringing me in to get this online program off the ground, but not until at least September. That is longer than I wanted to wait, but manageable. Unfortunately the job disappointment does not stop there. I was informed yesterday at work we are now required to work at least one hour of overtime every day. Some may look at that and think about the absolutely retarded money I would make doing that, but I see it and cringe. It means one of two things: 1) Instead of getting up at 4:45am for work, I now have to get up at 3:45am to make it to work by 6am; or 2) I go in at 7am, work until 4:30pm, then suffer not only my two hour drive home, but an extra hour because I will be in the thick of rush hour. Last week I worked until 4:30 one evening and it took me three hours and fifteen minutes to get home. I was very upset when I got this news. I am already so tired during the week. I want to have energy to get involved and be active. This has even effected my strength to work on school!

My patients have been tried so much in the last week. As I mentioned, my stress level has been high. A lot of you may know this, others may not, but I quit smoking four months ago. I have smoked since the age of twelve, so about twelve years total. In the last week, I have been very tempted to bum a cigarette or buy a pack. I have literally been standing at the checkout, buying my water or whatever on lunch break, and almost asked for that box of Camel Lights. The temptation is almost audible in my head. I refuse. My grandpa has been on my mind a lot, and he died from severe smoking complications. I have people in my life now who depend on my health and well being. I have a testimony to uphold. Above all that, is that cigarette really going to relieve my stress, or am I hitting my knees, taking my anxieties to my Healer? This is real life, reality, an honest daily struggle. This is no mamby-pamby, beating around the bush, feeling good about myself idea. This is real. It hurts, its hard, and it is worth it.

I have felt like a very negative person lately. That is something that I am trying very hard to surrender. It is truly a mix of things or many situations, but intimately God has control and to give in to my negativity only minimizes God’s dominance in my life. I am human, and I cannot be perfect, but to not make an effort is blatant sin.

In all this frustration, I firmly believe God has a sovereign plan. Sometimes I grow weary, but I am so thankful for the people in my life who are lifting me up in prayer and with words of encouragement.

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One thought on “Blessings and frustrations

  1. Oh boy, another post I can definitely relate to. I will keep you in my prayers & hope you are able to fight the temptation to smoke. Smoking is a terrible habit to pick up, but I understand why people do it. Both my parents smoke and I know it's doing a number on their health & decreasing their life span daily. It's hard fighting any type of addiction or habit, believe me, I know. But it's worth it in the end when you have God's grace pouring over you and your life :). Just remember the people in your life who give it meaning and those habits will slowly become irrelevant. I think you understand that 🙂

    My question is though, when you are stressed … how do you handle it? Do you pray? Do you sit in silence? Listen to music? In the times where you are tempted, how do you fight it?

    I, too have been really negative lately in my thoughts. I swear my thoughts are going to be the death of me. My mind is my enemy and at times I wish I could just turn my brain off. I'm a positive person overall, but my mind pulls me into this pit of darkness that I try desperately to climb out of. It seems that when there is that little ounce of hope or that “light at the end of the tunnel”, something happens, a switch is turned off & I'm back into darkness. It's a repetitive cycle and it's one that I am trying to break …

    But, I digress. I understand where you're coming from and I know God is going to continue to watch over & bless your life, Dave.

    God bless!!

    Like

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