Jesus, I need to give myself up. I am not strong enough to love You and walk with You on my own. I can’t do it, and I need You. I need You deeply and desperately. I believe You are worth it, and You are better than anything I could have in this life or the next. I want You. And when I don’t, I want to want You. Be all in me. Take all of me. Have Your way with me.
~ Francis Chan (p.111, Crazy Love)
That is a very powerful prayer that has touched my heart this morning. Yes, even at 5am. God has done some major wrench turning in the last week. Profound, even scary, changes are on the near horizon. As I wait on His timing and leading, I am committed to falling even more deeply in love with Him and trusting His plan. As I will talk about later, we will never be good enough to start serving God, we just have to do it. There is no right time other than now.
I am so thankful for the way He challenges me to the point of breaking, to the point of almost losing my sanity. BUT, He shows me in the most perfect timing, just when I thought I would go crazy, that He is my strength, and without Him I am nothing and would never make it in this life. There is no greater inspiration than Him, no greater love. This past week He has showed up in ways that terrify and excite me all at the same time. His ways are a mystery and an adventure, yet they have captured me with interest and curiosity. Every day holds suspense and excitement.
Jesus, search my heart, and help me lay every weight, burden and doubt aside. Have your way and lead me where you want me. I promise to follow and obey no matter how scary, difficult, or challenging. I praise you for showing me your strength when I am at my weakest. You amaze and inspire me. My soul takes courage, and my love for you grows to a dept I cannot even begin to utter. Lead me to my knees daily, so I can search out your heart and know you as intimately as possible. Abba, thank you for your unforced rhythms of grace, for your passionate love. There is no other lover like you. Strong Tower, keep my heart in the most secret of places, and defend it with all integrity and strength.