The battle

The last week has been a very busy one for me. I find that working the hours I do, the only time I feel I have to sit and write is when I am on my lunch break. I haven’t read any more of Crazy Love for a few days either. Despite that, what I have read has been churned over and over in my head so many times it is almost exhausting. I wake up thinking about the words of wisdom and insight I have read, and go to bed think of them. In my years of reading, I can only think of one other book that has stood out and gripped me like this book has.
Anyone who knows me, knows that I talk about re-evaluating priorities a lot. I’ve come to find that this is so much easier discussed that actually done! You may have the desire to reprioritize, but may lack the strength. This has been the case with me in a few areas. Once I started reading this book though, something clicked. My life, goals, priorities, dreams, and desires are not what are important. As I have said in a previous post, we are called to live for a higher purpose. My pursuit of that higher purpose literally consumes my heart and mind, making my soul hungry for more.
Over the last couple weeks I have had one very simple question for God: “Why am I where I am?” More specifically, why do I have this house in the middle of the “ghetto?” What is my purpose for staying in Indianapolis for the time being? If you don’t know, I have been avidly trying to move out to Denver, CO, and do hope to do so in the next couple years to finish school. I was having kind of a rough day the other day, working away, and honestly probably browsing the internet more than I was working, when I stumbled across a website that listed all the different ministries and Christian organizations in Indianapolis. It hit me like someone slapping me in the forehead. I am in the middle of a rough neighborhood because that is where He wants to use me. I was recently told about a church just a couple blocks from my house that I am going to check out this coming Sunday, but I feel as if God has already told me He wants me to become involved with the youth group at this church. The pull on this thought is tremendous! It fits perfectly in the vision God has given me on the calling He has for my life. I am excited to see what He is going to do in the next couple weeks.
The battle I face is denying myself of my comfort zone. It is not easy. It doesn’t take much to distract me so my attentiveness has been on the lookout. My desire to work with and help young guys is almost overwhelming at times. To look at the task is devastating, but when I hand the idea over to God I feel at peace. He reminds me that even though we live in a messed up, crazy world, He is in control. If I help one guy in my lifetime then my life will have served its purpose. My goal is to reach far more than one though, and I am really relying on God to take the wheel on some very specific thoughts and ideas.
I hope even in the month to come that I am able to share some of these ideas that have become actions. My prayer is that I would pursue with all the right reasons, and I would never put my agenda before His.

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